How To Get Yourself Thrown off a Plane

It was finally time for our third plastic cup of water and white napkin garnish. Hours ago I started keeping track. I was sitting on a plane with 489 spent plastic cups. Cups whose lifespan had climaxed in the mile high club. When offered my third cup of the flight I decided to take a stand. I politely requested that it be poured, sans ice, into my aluminum coffee mug. The stewardess, completely perplexed, allowed me to hold the cup across two people mid air for a moment before asking, “Is it Clean?” Hmm… I wasn’t sure how to gauge this question but confidently responded “yes.” She hesitantly took the mug, explained that she cannot fill it all the way, and returned it to me 1/3 full. That’s when she reached for the garnish… When I delicately tried to refuse that little absorbent accessory it was all over- “It’s for your own safety!” she snarled, slamming in front of me, and moved on down the line. It was a triumphant moment for me, sitting in the air, the sweet hum of burning jet fuel, and I was safe.

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